My boss' voice literally gives me gas
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
