I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
