Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
