kristin has been a bad kristin
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is wine microwaveable?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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