I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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