Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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