He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
