sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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