Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
