So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
