WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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