The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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