oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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