Ambien. No doubt about it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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