If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
