would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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