Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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