Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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