just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
