xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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