we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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