I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
