I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
