just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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