You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
