u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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