Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
