His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize