How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize