Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
