ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
