Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
