Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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