We're like a lot better than the average bears
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
