So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
