i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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