WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
