hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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