I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
