no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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