My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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