Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to make out with him forever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize