Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
