The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize