Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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