I faked an abortion last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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