The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
