pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
