The maid of honor just puked.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
