im having a threesome with these popsicles
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
