K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
