before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize