Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
