and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
