dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
