You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
