Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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