you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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