rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
