We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
