there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
