yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
