i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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