who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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