I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize