I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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