I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How external is "for external use only"?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
