I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
