I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
