Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
