I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
