Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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